My name is Ankush Tiwari and I am 24 years old. I am a Senior Software Engineer in a Multinational Company. I’m also a writer, a poet, an author, and the founder of a literary community. I belong to a lower middle-class family. My journey is a story of how courage can be a saviour of one’s dreams and imperfection doesn’t have to mean the end but instead can serve as an encouragement to fight harder at every step in life.
I feel extremely vulnerable about sharing my life’s journey on an open platform. People often ask me what my father does for a living or whether my mother is a housewife? I have never answered truthfully to anyone. Sometimes I bluffed, sometimes I gave the answer in a diplomatic way, sometimes I ignored it and distracted the person from the actual question, but I never told the truth. Today, I am going to tell you what they do and how I reached up to this point in my life.
My father is a security guard and my mother runs a small tailoring business at home since the last 30 years. They moved from a small village in UP to Delhi, but due to lack of education, it was very difficult for them to find good jobs in the city. Hence, my father started working for 13 rupees per day with the uncertainty that he might not get paid the next day. We lived in a 150 square feet room for many years. Due to lack of money, my mother also started working in a local private school as a nanny where her job was to take care of the school kids.
At the age of 6, I was diagnosed with pneumonia and jaundice simultaneously. Because of my parents’ financial condition, they took me to a government hospital where doctors refused to admit me because my situation was critical. They felt that if my condition got worse, then they would be blamed and hence they advised my parents to get me admitted into a private hospital.
Without delay, they reached a private hospital, but as soon as I got admitted they had to submit 2500 rupees as my admission fee and money was also needed to buy the medicines. At that time, the total earning of my family was 500 rupees per month and there were a total of 5 people dependent on that money, i.e., me, two of my elder sisters and my parents. It is said that when situations are not right, the brain doesn’t work at all. But, on the contrary, my mother’s mind worked very effectively.
She had completed her education up to only 3rd standard, and she wanted to study further, but her parents died when she was young so she couldn’t complete her schooling and had to marry at the age of 14. In order to arrange the money for my treatment, my mother reached out to a tailoring factory run by a woman who lived close to our home. She asked her if she could get a one-year contract of work but she mentioned that she needed the money in advance because her son was hospitalised. She explained that he was in critical condition, and the money was essentially required for his treatment.
The woman knew my mother already because her son studied at the same school where my mother worked as a nanny, and so, the woman gave my mother Rs. 4500 and made her sign the contract. Once she returned to the hospital, she deposited 2500 rupees at the reception and with the remaining money bought all the prescribed medicines.
After a few weeks, I was fine, and doctors patted my back saying ‘you are a fighter’, but it was my mother who had saved my life. I had returned from the door of death and my saviour was none other than my mother, her courage to fight against the odds and her attitude of never giving up had given me fighting chance at life.
It took four years for my family to pay off the debt and start saving for future endeavours. Those four years were the most difficult phase for my family, sometimes it had happened that we didn’t have food for the next day and sometimes we had to survive throughout the day on a single meal.
Since childhood, I was an avid reader. I was fond of reading Hindi stories to an extent that even while travelling somewhere I carried at least one storybook along with me. But, to pursue this hobby, I needed. I solved this issue by befriending a “Raddiwala” (a scrap collector). He was a kind man who knew about my interest in reading books and offered me a deal that I could take any storybook from him and he would charge me Rs 3 per week. I was allowed to take another book only if I returned the previous one and this was how I maintained my passion for reading.
I had studied at a government school and until the 5th standard, I was in a primary school where the school uniform and books were free, but from the 6th standard onwards, I had to shift to a higher secondary school which was 5kms away from my home. This meant I had to walk a total of 10kms to school every day. The scrap collector’s shop was on my way to school, so I used to visit his shop frequently.
School Books were no longer available for free which meant I had to buy them; I thought of buying the books from the scrap collector because I could get used or partially damaged books at one-tenth of the actual price. Often, some pages were found torn from the book, so sometimes I had to borrow books from my teachers and classmates, but finally, I managed. I started giving tuitions from the 10th standard onwards, which enabled me to handle my daily expenses and complete my education.
Circumstances have tried to pull me back and I often felt like I wouldn’t succeed or that I wasn’t capable enough. I wanted to do engineering, and high college fees were a problem, but fortunately, I received a scholarship from a university and my father took a loan for the rest of my expenses.
In my college, I suffered from an inferiority complex because I felt if people knew about my family background they might bully me or would look at me with disgust, hence I isolated myself from everyone. I used to avoid general gatherings, parties, movies, hangout etc. There were two reasons for this. Firstly, if anyone was to ask about what my parents do, then either I would have to lie which I didn’t want to do, or I would have to tell the truth and at the time, I didn’t have the courage.
Secondly, these social gatherings required money and I was already struggling financially. I had almost no friends in college, so I spent most of my time interacting with professors or by reading books in the corner of the college library, or by thinking about my future in an empty classroom.
Due to this, my observation and imagination skills improved, and I secretly started writing. Back In college, nobody knew that I write. By the time I completed my engineering, I already had six job offers, my mother was really very happy. When I joined my first company, I started writing with earnestness, and after few months, I got some readers who used to message me to tell me how much they like my poetry and they found it very relatable. My social network started increasing and I got information about a publisher.
I contacted him and discussed the details of my book, and eventually last year in June, my first book was published.
जब अंधेरा लगे तो खुद को जला लो,
दर्द दिल में चुभे तो खुद को हंसा लो,
तुम मुसीबत हो और हल भी तुम ही हो,
जैसे ही आस दिखे खुद को उठा लो,
गला है कोई दुश्मन नहीं है तुम्हारा,
अगर रोना आए तो थोड़ा सा गा लो,
डर लगने लगे हकीकत-ए-दास्तां से तो,
थोड़ा खुद से झूठ बोलो थोड़ा छुपा लो,
ये ज़िन्दगी है इसका काम रवां रहना है,
जब भी मौका मिले इसे सीने से लगा लो।
Nothing was perfect, neither I nor my parents. Every obstacle that we crossed gives us an opportunity to improve our circumstances, helps us to grow and nurture our lives and that’s why after going through lots of challenges and difficulties. Last year, I shared my journey on a Tedx talk. We grow through hard times, it’s just that we are supposed to carry faith in our struggles because struggling is a sign of living. Life has taught me the value of trying and that sheer dedication can always turn dreams into reality.
I would like to end my article with a poem written by me, which explains the significance of growing after going through despairs.
बुरे वक्त का वक्त
पल दर पल गिर गिरकर चलना आया है,
हमे खाक में मिलकर महकना आया है।
गर्दिशों में सिर पर किसी का हाथ ना था,
थे कुछ झूठे वादे मगर किसी का साथ ना था।
फकत आंसुओं ने बहुत मज़बूत बनाया है,
आखिर बुरे वक्त ने हमें जीना सिखाया है।
समय बेवफा होता है इसके लिए क्या रोना,
बे-इंतहा दर्द का दिल में रहना है दुआ होना।
रात एक पर्दा है और रौशनी की रुकावट है,
गम की घटाओं से ज़िन्दगी में सजावट है।
ये पल जो काफिर हो चला है बीत जाएगा,
एक रोज़ खुशियों का भी सैलाब आएगा।
थोड़ा सब्र रक्खो वो मंज़र ज़रूर आएगा,
जब हर मुरझाया हुआ फूल फिर से मुस्कुराएगा।
मेहनत करो आगे बढ़ो हिम्मत ना हारना,
कुआं प्यासे के पास खुद चलकर आएगा।
राहों में कांटें देखकर कहीं रुक मत जाना
बुरे वक्त के सामने बिल्कुल भी झुक मत जाना।
सीने की चिंगारी तुम्हारे जज़्बात में रहे,
परेशानियों से कह दो ज़रा औकात में रहे।
मौत को भी वापसी का रास्ता दिखाया है,
इच्छा शक्ति ने हर बिगड़ा काम बनाया है।
फकत आंसुओं ने बहुत मज़बूत बनाया है,
आखिर बुरे वक्त ने हमें जीना सिखाया है।
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